Farren knew he was trying to make her feel better, perhaps he was even trying to make himself feel better, reassured about the crazy thing they'd just done. Even though she was reposed against him on her sofa her heart was still hammering in her chest. She was not unsure and yet she was entirely sure they were insane. He knew how it was supposed to be. Fathers and grandmothers combing over lists of suitors, pedigrees compared, vaults evaluated, country estates tallied, and then from the top few there would be introductions. The least repulsive of the lot would be crowned the winner. Of course she had thought about it, striking out on her own, but somehow she'd found herself rather content doing what she was doing now, on her own.
It was madness, the two of them, such eligible singletons, decided to blow off tradition and do what they wanted. She knew what he was saying was right but logically she still struggled and suspected she would for awhile. "I'm just scared a little," she confessed as he placed a sweet peck on her cheek. "I may live on my own, have a job, and do all manner of things my Grandmother finds horrifically modern but....marriage is so serious." She watched as he fastened the little bracelet on her wrist and she thought to herself perhaps she would wear it everyday until he replaced it with a ring. The press would catch on quickly if she wore the same bracelet day in and day out but she wasn't sure she even cared.
He was talking about date ideas, he had plans in mind, European destinations? Was it even possible to go galavanting around Europe - before marriage? Unchaperoned? She'd never dreamed of such a thing. Even when she and Clive had traveled her Lady's Maid accompanied her. She smiled, trying to push her hesitations to the back of her mind, "Alright," she said softly and looking thoughtful for a moment she let her head fall onto his shoulder as he pulled her closer. Her eyes fell closed for a moment and she inhaled deeply. "Declan, just, please be patient with me, I'm not much of a rebel. My first marriage was more nightmare than fairy tale, and I'm not even sure I've ever been in love - truly, before. I tried to love him. I wanted to. But I was so......lonely." Sighing she opened her eyes, "I am certain this is the right choice but I am scared of my families. I'm a little scared of your family. I'm scared once we spend more time together perhaps we realize that maybe best friends is all we are -- I don't feel that way, but you never know, people end up unhappy all the time. When they least expect it. I did before."
Swallowing a lump in her throat she turned her face to look up at him. "I do want you. I want a life with someone who cares about me, who values my opinions, who isn't worried about my money and land and social standing before who I am as a person. I feel safest when I am with you, like I can be my whole self, you're the only person outside the family I have ever really felt that way with. I know that in the long run that is what creates deep and lasting love. I think....if we are kind and patient with each other we can create that. It's what I want for us at least."
Offering a little smile she reached over and smoothed his hair with her hand, just wanting to touch him. "Given the chance, the chance we have decided to take, I think we could make each other very happy. I promise to try." Tilting her head a little she considered him for a moment, her hand still in his hair, not wanting to break any contact points between them. "So it sounds like I'm coming to Ireland - tomorrow or rather, today." She glanced at the clock on the mantle. It was well after 3 o'clock in the morning. Everyone in the house knew he was here, including the spy. He had to leave - in a bit of a show too. "You have to leave," she said softly the tone of her voice made it clear she didn't like the idea of it, "We can't start our relationship on a scandal. Every living thing in this house knows you were here and if you don't make a bit of a show about leaving...well it's been a long time since I tested possible leaks in my staff. I pay them very well but you never know these days do you?"
She knew he would understand and that he would not want to start their courtship, engagement, on a scandal that plagued her. "Take the Floo in the foyer. Or at least apparate from the foyer. That way the elves and the spy and the butler will see you leave. I can get some rest and come to you in the late morning. I'll tell the office I'm not coming in - it won't be odd, I often do my tasks here."
For a moment she considered him. She knew he was suppressing his own fears to support her, to comfort her and that made her affection for him all the more. How badly she wanted to wrap herself up in him. The familiar comfort of Declan, her old friend, who cared for her so deeply, whom she'd never stopped missing when he was gone. For a moment she debated kissing him again, those lips that had plagued her train of thought since they were teens. But she wanted more than that yet, she slid closer to him, practically sliding onto his lap, her leg draped over him so she could envelope him in her arms and hold him. Wrapping him up in her she buried her face against his neck, squeezing him so tightly he could not move away from her in the slightest. "I love you Declan," she said softly.